


a phoenix from the ashes

by taiyounoko



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Captain Levi x Squad Leader!Reader, F/M, Happy Ending, Lots of OCs - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Possessive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), after Isabel/Farlan dies but before Petra squad and EMA, fluff later, new characters in a familiar setting, soldiers with benefits to love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28030344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taiyounoko/pseuds/taiyounoko
Summary: It was hard to remember when you two had started “seeing each other”.No, you do remember when this all started. Just a few weeks ago. A no-emotions, no-strings, secret relationship you two had established after… after everything.He’s staring at you. His eyes convey the message he doesn’t say-- the hell are you doing just standing there?-- and you look away. Curse your heart. Curse this man. Curse this world.“Have a good night, Captain.”Levi murmurs something in response.Yes, you remember how it all started.
Relationships: Levi/Reader
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

You didn’t know quite when it started.

The slapping of hot skin against skin. Your moans and his grunts, filling the silent room.

“Fuck,” Levi groans, his fingers grasping at your thighs. Red marks remain from previous times he’s gripped you this tight.

You mewl as his cock plunges deeper into you, having leveraged your thighs to open you up further. God, he felt incredible. 

“You’re fucking tight as hell,” he comments. You moan louder in response. 

You begin to feel his thrusts speed up in pace. The sounds become so loud, that for a moment, you question whether anyone in the hallway could hear you two, though the thoughts are drowned out by the constant, thrusting waves of pleasure crashing over you.

“Fuck, I’m-” Levi grunts. You know what it means, and for a moment, your chest drops-- but you ignore it. His expression contorts and he bites his lip as his thrusts increase, increase, and you feel  _ way _ too fucking good--

He pulls out, and thin ropes of cum splatter across your stomach. You’re both panting, warm, hot breaths filling the air between you. 

In that moment, you feel clarity. You’re lying in your captain’s bed, his cum painted across your midsection. The man himself is taking his time to recuperate from your session, his fingers still holding a hawk-like clasp upon the underside of your thighs.

You gaze at him. He’s avoiding your eyes, breathing deeply. His cock, which had stood at tall mast before, has now shrunk between his legs. 

You can see a few strands of hair are wet from sweat. A bead rolls down his forehead. It was summer, after all.

“I should… go,” you begin, attempting to remove your legs from his hold. Fingers loosen on you like water, and you sit up on his bed, facing away from him so that you can plant your feet on the ground. Cold stone greets your warm toes.

“Tomorrow,” Levi says. Tomorrow? Already? You spin your head to face him, and feel something in your chest jump at the stare he’s giving you. Despite the question in your eyes, he doesn’t break it. 

“Have a problem with that?”

You gulp, turning around. “N-No,” you stammer, wincing at your own hesitancy. You pull your socks back on, then turn to grab your top that Levi ripped off in his usual demonstration of male domination. 

“Good.”

Slipping on your pants and shoes, you look over the bed that Levi is now tucking in. Still can’t get rid of his obsession, even now, can he? 

He doesn’t usually ask to see you back-to-back. In fact, the last time you came by was over three days ago, and the time before that, almost a week had passed. It was hard to remember when you two had started “seeing each other”.

No, you do remember when this all started. Just a few weeks ago. A no-emotions, no-strings, secret relationship you two had established after… after everything.

He’s staring at you. His eyes convey the message he doesn’t say--  _ the hell are you doing just standing there? _ \-- and you look away. Curse your heart. Curse this man. Curse this world.

“Have a good night, Captain.”

Levi murmurs something in response.

Yes, you remember how it all started.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a blast from the past.

“Yes, Emenor!” you shout, hoisting your glass high above your head. You might’ve been a  _ little _ tipsy. The air was filled with the smell of booze and laughter.

The girl in question peels off her shirt, revealing peachy skin and black undergarments. It draws hoots from the audience sitting below the table she’s standing on.

“Fuck, you gotta quit this,” Igor groans besides you. He’s obscuring his view of Emenor on the table, and righteously so. It was his sister, after all, stripping and dancing for his friends and fellow soldiers. “This is insane.”

“Don’t shoot the messenger,” you giggle, and he rolls his eyes. You would probably feel worse for him if you weren’t drinking. 

More hoots from the audience, and oh-  _ oh- _ Emenor is teasing the rest by rolling her hips, even more risque than a courtesan would--

“Igor, let’s get a breath of fresh air,” you say, yanking Igor’s arm beside you. You can _ not _ let him witness his sister acting this way unless he wants to be traumatized. Rationality’s done you a service today, you think to yourself. 

You head out of the bar and you notice Igor reluctantly follows behind. Aside from the spectacle of his sister’s actions, you can guess his mood isn’t only due to that.

“Igor,” you begin. The cool night air has snapped you into clarity. “Is anything wrong?” 

“No,” he begins. You can see past the lie. “It’s just… why are we celebrating when nothing was accomplished? When our friends died?”

A chill runs down your spine. You gaze at Igor, who’s looking past the hills in the distance that glow in the moonlight.

Past those hills was the wall that you had retreated to yesterday. The Scouting Legion had ventured far compared to previous missions, yet you had lost a third of the squadron. 

Not as devastating as usual, yet the screams of Emile, John, and Sarko haunt you. 

“It’s all I can think about,” Igor admits, shaking his head. Standing a good head over you, you can easily see his expression. Defeated. Crestfallen. Regretful. “I don’t know what it isn’t Sarko who’s drinking here, now. He’d enjoy this more than me anyway.” Your eyes widen.

“Don’t you dare say that,” you warn, and your tone catches Igor’s attention. In his eyes dance hesitation. “He wouldn’t want you to feel that way.”

“Do you think he  _ wanted _ to die?!” Igor shouts. “You think he didn’t hope at the last second that he wished it were someone else, instead of him, getting his head ripped off?”

A wave of nausea rolls over you at the image. That’s right-- that’s how he’d died. Suddenly, the decision to drink alcohol seems like a bad one.

“I just… I can’t enjoy this,” Igor groans. “I guess-- I guess I’m glad others are enjoying themselves.”

Classic symptoms of survivor’s syndrome, you realize. And another thought harkens back to you; you’re his leader, now. 

“Igor,” you begin, and the command in your voice is clear. He looks to you. “For the sake of humanity, and for the sake of all of us, I can’t let you do this to yourself.”

“Do what to myself?” Igor doubts.

“Self-pity, hatred, anger…” you recite. “They don’t belong in a soldier’s emotional repertoire. You joined the Scouting Legion to fight for humanity. As your new Squad Leader, I can’t allow you to feel like this.” Though you’ve only held the position for a couple of days.

Igor is silent for a long pause. Then, he straightens himself out, running a hand through his brown hair. It glows silver in the night. “You’re... right. Thanks, Elia.” He grins his usual cheeky grin, and you force yourself to look away. 

“Elia,” Igor begins again. You gulp. You face him, and his large stature takes up most of your vision. “I just wanted to say, well-- even if you’re the squad leader, now, I still care-”

“Igor,” you state, your voice firm, cutting him off. It feels a bit like twisting your heart, but you ignore the feeling. “Igor, we can’t.”

His surprisingly boyish features fall at that. Then, you see his brows furrow. “I don’t understand you, Elia.” He takes a step forward. “You even admitted to feeling something for me.”

“That’s not quite what I said, Igor,” you mention.

Igor heaves a sigh. “Well, it was something like that! And, you said you had feelings for somebody else, before, too, anyway-”

“I don’t want to lose anybody-” you begin.

“We already lost everyone on our last mission!” Igor cries. “I could lose you on our next mission. Actually, you’d probably lose me, considering you’re better at maneuvering than me.” His fist curls at his side. “I can’t understand why you’d want to die with regrets.” 

Die with regrets. That sounded oddly similar to  _ him _ . 

You push the thought from your mind.

“I’m a soldier-- specifically, a leader, too,” you emphasize. You bite your lip, holding your gaze steady at him. “I can’t allow myself to become invested in other soldiers,  _ especially _ now that I’m a Squad Leader.”

Igor lets out a large groan, turning away from you. When he next speaks, his voice sounds broken. 

“I really do care about you, Elia,” he says. “I-- If this world wasn’t this shitty, I’d want a family with you.”

His words hit you like a gut punch, and the nausea from before overwhelms you. You’re stunned speechless. At his admonition.

“I’m gonna go to sleep now,” he says. You can’t see his face. “Good night, Elia.”

The sound of his boots trampling grass and rock are all you can hear. A large round of hoots comes from the tavern, and you fall to the ground once Igor is out of sight.

If only he understood. If only the world wasn’t infested with damn  _ Titans. _ If only, if only, if only. 

It’s too late when you realize a hot tear is running down your cheek, followed by another. 

Your nails draw red crescents into your palms.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s only a week later when you’re called into a meeting amongst Squad Leaders and higher-ups. You haven’t spoken to Igor since, aside from basic pleasantries.

“We’ll be doing another mission outside Wall Maria tomorrow,” Commander Erwin announces. Your jaw drops. 

“Another?!” Squad Leader Yorvis shouts, echoing your sentiments. “We just lost a third of our entire force last week!”

“He’s right, Erwin,” Hange seconds. “Why now?”

“I haven’t even begun properly training as Squad Leader yet,” you insist. “I need more time.”

“Did you realize you were signing up to sacrifice your life when you signed up for the Scouts?” Levi derides, speaking up for the first time this meeting. “You’re being some real whiny shits.”

“Says the man who was  _ forced _ to join,” you comment, and you feel his eyes jolt to you. Maybe you shouldn’t quite have said that, but still. His pompous way of sitting, all leaning back and one arm draped around the chair, is annoying.

“We will head out tomorrow morning at 4:00 hours,” Erwin states. “I will share with all of you information regarding squad formation and positions. That is all.”

Hange, Squad Leader Belle, and Yorvis head out bickering. You take your time stacking the papers from the meeting as you stand up and head for the door. Trailing behind the rest, it’s not until you’re walking down the dimly lit corridor back to your barracks that you notice footsteps behind you.

“Elia,” he growls, yanking the cuff of your shoulder back to shove you against the wall. You gulp. You’re both around the same height, and you stand a bit taller, but Levi’s still intimidating as hell when he’s upset.

And he’s a little more upset than ‘upset’.

“When the  _ fuck _ will you get the message to quit bringing that up?!” he demands, shoving you against the wall again for good measure. “You’re acting quite insubordinate-- maybe even enough to lose you your new position of ‘Squad Leader’.” He sneers.

“I’m too good to lose,” you muster a grin, even though it’s hard to express when your shoulder is being pinched,  _ hard _ , by the fabric wrapped around Levi’s hand. “And don’t pretend you weren’t part of the group that voted me in.”

Up close, his gray eyes pierce through you, and you remember just what is about him that you undeniably feel attracted to. 

Damn him.

“You need to quit acting like a little shit,” he mutters. “Or else-”

“Captain Levi!” a voice shouts. One that you certainly hadn’t been expecting. 

“What is it,  _ Rodham _ ,” Levi practically spits, refusing to face Igor who is standing down the hallway. 

“I would request that you not treat Squad Leader Filmouse in such a manner! It could potentially injure her for future-”

“Expeditions, right,” Levi shakes his head, rolling his eyes. He lets go of the fabric of your jacket and looks at Igor. “One which you’re all going on tomorrow.”

You see the alarm flash in Igor’s eyes, and his gaze snaps between yours and Levi’s before looking down. 

You see that Levi notices Igor’s look between you two. “Tch,” he mutters. “Stupid brats.” He heads down the hall, presumably to his own room.

“Elia!” Igor says, running up to you. “Are you all right?”

You take a step back, perfectly avoiding his hand that went to reach your shoulder. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“But Captain Levi-”

“You do realize that I’m your Squad Leader, right?” you state, raising an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure I could handle myself against Captain  _ midget _ .” 

Did you hear another “tch” in the distance? It was hard to tell.

“You need to quit being so instigatory,” Igor chides, patting you on the arm. “He’s gonna kill you.”

“Rather him than the Titans,” you murmur. 

“Is it true that we’re going on an expedition tomorrow?” Igor asks. You look away.

“Yeah. You weren’t supposed to know until tonight, though.”

“VIP meetings, huh,” he mutters. A pregnant pause follows, and you hesitate in the awkward air that drapes over you two. 

“Did you interrupt Captain Levi on purpose?” you ask.

“I mean.” Igor’s cheeks turn pink in the lamplight. “I don’t want to see my, uh... friend, abused by her Captain.” At that, you laugh. “What?!”

“He’s not abusing me, he’s just being an ass,” you chuckle. “He does that to everyone.”

Igor eyes you with a narrowed gaze. “If you’re sure, then sure.” He pauses. “I swear he’s not as handsy with anyone else.”

You roll your eyes, willing the flutter in your chest to fade. “Have you even seen him with Hange?”

He looks off. “Well, she’s insane, so I doubt she cares.”

“I think it’s just ‘cause you have a thing for me, Igor,” you sing, starting the walk to your dorms. 

“I do not-- shut up, Elia,” Igor blushes, following you. A firm hand on your shoulder stops you in your tracks. “I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?”

His smile is contagious, and you give him a small grin. “Yeah.” 

Igor chuckles, patting you on the back. You look away from the shininess of his eyes, the hope that shines in them. 

You can’t give him what he wants. Even though, sometimes, you do.

As you part ways, your smile fades.


End file.
